I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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