Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
