You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
