There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
