I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
