That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize