i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
