The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
