The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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