I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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