im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
