...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
