is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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