This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
