Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
