I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
