im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
