I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
