Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
