Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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