This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
