Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
