just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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