Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
