Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
God I need to hump something, right now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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