Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My vagina is officially offended.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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