ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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