Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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