So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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