How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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