I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize