shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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