I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
