it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Randomize
