Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
