So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
