His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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