I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
