then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize