there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
