If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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