just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize