# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
