if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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