thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
