im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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