I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
