He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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