I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
