awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
