Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
