why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
