I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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