i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
