remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
