Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
as a side note pls kill me
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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