You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
