I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
