can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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