I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
