i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
