yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
