haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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