she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
