the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize