last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
