i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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