im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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