I wish I only lived at night.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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