your parents love me but you hate me
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
