I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
