I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
