You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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