Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
